Dear People Who Have Been Raped

It is not your fault.  When society tells you that the rape was "her" fault, society lies.  When polite company whisper about short skirts or being wasted or walking around after dark, they lie.  When a defense attorney gets in your face about your rep, when a politician refers to you as a slut, when your rapist is defended by your neighbors-- lies, lies, lies.  When you are ready, you will join thousands of women and a few men in proclaiming, "This rape is not a thing of fault.  It is not about sex or flirting or being loose.  You lied to me.  I won't tolerate it anymore."

We live in a rape culture.  Rape culture says it was our fault.  Rape culture says we brought this upon ourselves, we should have known better, we were bad kids, rebellious women, wimpy men, we were irresistible, manipulative, we lied.  Rape culture says our rapists could not help it, we were too available, we led them on, this thing didn't happen, impossible, we wanted it.  Rape culture says women [and a few men] are property to be protected or abused and subject to the whims of our protectors.  Rape culture says we are not worthy, that feeling sexy is wrong, look where that got us, that rape is molestation, that rape is sex without permission, that rape is the privilege of the conquerors.  Rape culture demands that we teach our daughters to defend themselves so we sign them up for self-defense classes, to not put themselves in danger, to be demure.  To behave.  Rape culture demands that our sons be manly men.  Rape is an act of violence.  This rape culture that we live in is composed of many acts of violence.

Our rapists have depended upon our shame and our fear.  We give in.  Sometimes we are not judged to be legally able to make our own decisions since we have not reached "the age of majority."  Sometimes we are advised not to press charges.  Sometimes we are too wounded and involved in survival and we just cannot do it.  Sometimes we die.

The first time after I was raped, I was advised not to press charges.  The second time after I was raped, I watched as my rapist's defenders gathered around him in a tight circle.  They were determined to protect his reputation at any cost.  I was expendable. Both men-- years and miles apart-- claimed that they were not in control of their actions.  "I had to," said the first one.  "I couldn't help myself," said the second one.  The third time that I was raped, I kneed him in the groin and kicked him in the balls with my steel toed boots.  On that particular night, anger was my truest friend.

Anger is messy.  Rage is frightening.  In a rape culture, we are not supposed to be angry.  We are not supposed to feel rage.  We are supposed to forgive the people who have hurt us.  Because that is what our holy men tell us to do.  We are supposed to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and carry on business as usual.  We are told that it takes two to create a problem, that we played a part in this, that we have to look at ourselves and own up to our share of the responsibility.  We will be washed away pure as the driven snow.  Or, we are the damaged goods bringing shame to our families.  We are taught to negate ourselves.  We are taught to behave.

Now is the time to gather together, those of us who are able, and begin the process of dismantling the rape culture.  Some of us will carry signs, risk arrests, hold vigils, take our messages to the streets.   Some of us will name what happened to us for the first time in our lives.  Some of us will write, using the web to let people know what happened and to demand justice.  Some of us will do other things.
Each of us can do something.

To my sisters in India, to my sisters in Steubenville, to my brothers and sisters in behavioral facilities that live in fear of being raped and beaten by staffers or by other kids, to the little ones who are raped by the very people who are supposed to be protectors, I dedicate this blog post.  To my male friend who told me that he was raped by an older woman when he was a teen, I dedicate this blog post.  To those who have died, I dedicate this blog post.  Do not give up.  We need you.  Together we will heal and live.

radical sapphoq

W.W.A.S.P.S.: focus on Cross Creek in Utah

The opinions expressed below are the opinions of those who gave them.  The evidence that I have found suggests to me strongly that any parent or guardian with a child or teen who is acting up or acting out ought to do their own research and consider carefully all options.


Videos specific to Cross Creek in Utah:
 Cross Creek W.W.A.S.P.S. facility parts 1, 2, 3








Xandir O'Cando was sent to Cross Creek because she was attracted to other girls.  She was told almost right away that she was not allowed to talk about her same gender attractions.  She is an activist in the bdsm community in San Francisco today.






If you don't like rap, skip this next vid.  It is an anti-W.W.A.S.P.S. song.  The Long Con By: HADES (Hungry Artists Don't Ever Stop)  @hadestheunscene   Song against Child Behavioral Modification Torture Camps.







Maia Szalavitz, investigative reporter, makes several interesting points in her testimony.  The confrontation/humiliation used in encounter-attack therapy of the 70s has been shown to be harmful to 9% of the participants in the groups.  It was considered unethical to continue with doing research about this because 9% of the adults were psychologically harmed in the groups.

Now today, confrontation and humiliation are used in encounter-attack "therapy" in W.W.A.S.P.S. facilities and in their seminars.  What is being offered is neither medically sound nor true "therapy."  Isolating a kid from the world smacks of cultism rather than of effective healing.  The only control being taught is thought control.

She also says that testimonials exposing the abuse inside these programs are often followed by testimonials talking about how these programs were the old things that worked to help the troubled teens in attendance.  Desperate parents hear "tough," "tough love," "discipline," and possibly even the word "time out."  They hear about changes in teen behavior and tune out on words like "sleep deprivation," and "meal deprivation."  They may not understand that kids have died from "face down" restraints.  These abusive practices within the troubled teen troubled industry are the problem.

The troubled teen troubled industry is also the problem.  Maia Szalavitz points out that studies show that teens do better with treatment at home than they do in these facilities which seek to alter behavior via mind control.








Again, the opinions expressed are those of the people who gave them.  Before signing up any child or teen for residential treatment/boarding/therapy/behavior modification/other, a responsible parent would want to visit the facilities being considered beforehand, spending several hours a day over several days at each one.  Any contracts should be reviewed by an attorney before signing.

radical sapphoq says: Quite frankly, I do not allow my dog to board at a kennel sight unseen.  Why would a parent be willing to trust strangers with the care of a child or teen without thoroughly investigating the pros and cons of each option under consideration?