To Matt Barber, To All Teens Everywhere

To Matt Barber,

Quite frankly, I am glad that you are not my father.  My father never would have told me that I am other than who I am.  He respects my autonomy.  He knows that he does not own me.

It is the height of arrogance to assume that you can define your children as "gay" or "not gay" regardless of their sexual attraction.  While it is true that a gay man or a lesbian or a bisexual can decide not to act on physical urges for a sexual relationship with others of the same gender, they do not cross over into heterosexuality by doing so.  They will be who they are-- gay, lesbian, or bisexual-- even if and when they choose celibacy.

Our children will always be our children.  If our children are fortunate, they will grow into adolescence.  Those teens who are lucky will survive into adulthood.  Part of the parenting process involves letting go of our children as we perceive them.  Whether or not we "allow" our kids to be who they are, they are going to be who they are.  Whether or not we "believe" that a few of our kids are not straight, they are going to be who they are.  When my niece came out as a lesbian, I celebrated her willingness to live her life in an honest and truthful manner.  I love my niece exactly as she is today.  Her parents do also.  She is quite lucky that you are not her parent.

Your non-acceptance of non-heterosexuality in teens who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual is your problem.  If you are ever faced with this issue within your family, I hope that you will attend several meetings of P-FLAG.  You will still be a Christian after P-FLAG with your same objections to non-heterosexuality.  Of that I am sure.  The parents in P-FLAG have been where you are.  They learned how to accept non-heterosexuality in their family members.  So can you.  You can accept that your family member is not straight while still maintaining a warm, loving relationship with that family member.

I am not going to even attempt to sway you from your religious stance against homosexuality, lesbianism, or bisexuality.  You have a right to believe as you will.  And yes, you have a right to express your beliefs in the manner that you have expressed them in your open letter to gay [and lesbian and bisexual] teens.  I have a right to express my opinions.  And I have done so, without attacking you as a person.

Your argument that the world's major religions all condemn homosexuality is not satisfactory.  Some of the responses to your blog post indicate that neither the Hindu religion nor the Buddhist sects condemn homosexuality.  Your attempt to throw biology into the mix within the same argument is also not satisfactory.  Strawberries.  Strawberries reproduce in two ways-- sexually and asexually.  Homosexuality does in fact occur in nature.  Ask any farmer who has ever had the misfortune of owning a bull which turned out to be gay.  And even if all of the religions in the universe deny homosexuality a place at the table of salvation in the afterlife, it does not follow that homosexuality should be forbidden to us in this life.  There was a time when the vast majority of people believed that the earth was flat, that the sun revolved around the earth, and that affliction is the result of sin.

Your argument that AIDS is an affliction of gay men is old and tired.  AIDS is a virus, not a sin.  People who have intimate sexual contact with those infected by HIV run the risk of becoming HIV+.  People who share needles with infected people run the risk of becoming HIV+.  People who receive blood transfusions of infected blood products run the risk of becoming HIV+.  Contact has to be made with an infected individual in order to contract the virus.  Heterosexuals do become infected by AIDS.  AIDS is not a disease that is limited to gay men.  We would do better to teach our teens to use protection-- rubbers for the men and dental dams for the women-- when having sex than to tell them that AIDS is a disease of the gay community.  We should also be teaching teens not to share needles.  Addicts who use injectables should have their own set of works if they are not willing or able to decide to quit.  The risk of infection is not limited to needles while using street drugs.  We should also be teaching our teens to insist that any tattoo artists use fresh needles and unopened bottles of ink when getting any future tattoos.  

You did not address transgenderism or inter-sexed states in your open letter to gay teens.  I will do so here even though you did not. A compassionate society would ensure that transgendered folk who wish to transition to their preferred gender could do so.  A compassionate society would also ensure that the medical needs of people born inter-sexed-- that is having characteristics of both sexes-- are provided for.  Those who are born with Androgen Insufficiency Syndrome are male by chromosome studies but are usually raised as female.  This is because AIS individuals do not respond to androgen.  Period.  An AIS female will need surgeries in order to correct genitalia  to an average appearance, estrogen in order to mature sexually, and competent medical services throughout her life.  While it is true that a transgendered person can choose to suppress thoughts and behaviors related to transgenderism-- it's called purging within the community-- this suppression is usually not a long-term "solution."

Again, Matt Barber, it is not okay for any of us to define who someone is.  Identity is personal.  Everyone has to do that for themselves.  You do not own your children.  Please allow your teens the dignity of self-definition.  It is a great tragedy to risk estrangement with your own children as they mature into adults because you could not or would not accept that gay teens, lesbian teens, and bisexual teens do exist regardless of your feelings about the issue.

Thank-you,
radical sapphoq 

 

To all teens everywhere, 

Not all adults and not all Christian adults believe as Matt Barber does.  Hopefully, your parents and families will accept you for who you are.  If they do not, it is their problem. However you choose to walk in the world-- whether straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans-folk, intersexed, queer, or questioning-- you deserve not to live a lie.  Whether you choose to be sexually active in whatever degree that makes sense to you or celibate, you deserve to be who you are always.  Whether or not society or your family celebrates who you are, there are people who will.  You are the future.  You will be here after the rest of us are dead.  You deserve the right to define yourselves.  Not even Matt Barber can take that from you. 

Respectfully yours,
radical sapphoq 

 








http://www.wnd.com/2013/02/an-open-letter-to-gay-teens/

Dear Courtni Webb

Dear Courtni Webb,

I was infuriated to find out that your school principal suspended you for writing a poem in your personal notebook.  In my opinion, what happened to you is wrong.  Professionals can and do make mistakes.  Your principal made a mistake by suspending you.  Your teacher made a mistake by looking through your personal notebook.  Seizure of your personal property and then suspending you for your thoughts and feelings is a violation of your civil rights.  It is unfortunate that Life Learning Academy decided to violate your civil rights.  I am relieved to read that you are back at school and not expelled.

I thought your comparison to Stephen King was spot-on.  I've read almost all of his books.  He knows a lot about a lot of topics.  His writing reflects his knowledge.  And yes, he writes about horrible things.  He is a horror writer.  To understand horror is a burden.  And like Stephen King, your writing demonstrates that indeed you  understand horror.

Some people who truly understand horror become writers like Stephen King.  Others become crime fighters-- hostage negotiators, investigators, civil rights activists.  A few are murdered for their understanding.  Martin Luther King was one man who practiced  non-violence and died for what he believed in.

Courtni, your poem should be published in a book or a magazine.  I think your writing is that good.  Please do not allow the censorship of your self-expression to sour you on writing.  I hope that you keep on writing if you want to.  And I hope that you do want to keep on writing.  When you are ready, you may consider getting published in zines and litmags [Look in your public library for the annual Poets Market and Writers Market books], writing a poetry chapbook, reading your work at open mic nights.  I'm going to remember your name Courtni Webb because I believe that you are going to be known.  Someday, your poem will be taught to high school students and your story told as an example of blatant censorship of poets and writers.  I believe this and I believe in you.

Yours in the Struggle,

radical sapphoq





References can be found by typing "Courtni Webb" into your search engine.

Here are a few of the many that I read:
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poems_poets/poems_by_poet.aspx?ID=26625

An article by my blogging buddy Chrystal Mahan here:
http://www.examiner.com/article/student-suspended-for-writing-newton-shooting-poem 

http://keithpp.wordpress.com/2013/01/02/california-teenager-suspended-for-writing-poetry/

http://topsy.com/www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/28/courtni-webb_n_2376833.html

http://madamenoire.com/tag/courtni-webb/

http://www.mysistagurl.com/2012/12/i-know-why-he-pulled-trigger-17-yo-high.html

http://myblacknews.net/fair-or-foul-san-francisco-high-school-student-suspended-for-writing-poem-about-newtown-shooting-i-know-why-he-pulled-the-trigger/12/31/2012/

http://www.prisonplanet.com/high-school-student-faces-expulsion-for-writing-poem-about-sandy-hook-massacre.html

http://intuitivefred888.blogspot.com/2012/12/freedom-of-expression.html

http://beyondproject.wordpress.com/2012/12/29/where-can-young-people-go-for-refuge-open-letter-to-the-principle-and-governors-of-life-learning-academy-san-francisco/

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/01/07/punishing-poets-is-not-the-way-to-stop-school-violence/

http://politic365.com/2013/01/05/adolescence-adam-lanza-sympathy-and-free-speech-infringement/

http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2013/01/03/matt-gurney-suspending-a-kid-for-saying-pow-just-makes-schools-look-stupid/

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/01/02/courtni-webb-high-school-_n_2396289.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/28/courtni-webb_n_2376833.html

http://www.eurweb.com/2013/01/project-islamic-hope-launches-petition-in-support-of-courtni-webb/

An Interview

My friend Ann currently works in a rehabilitation center that uses behavior modification to help teens that are out of control and unable to function in their communities safely.  She readily agreed to the interview to give an example of how a treatment facility works that respects the rights of teens.




Did you have to go through a background check before working at your facility?

Yes of course.  We all do.  Every new hire does.  We are fingerprinted, background checked, bonded.  The whole deal.



What are the criterion for a teen to get into the center where you work?

In order to get into our facility, a teen has to have a history of violence or are out of control mentally and in need of anti-psychotic medication.

When a teen comes in off of their medication, how is that?

A kid off their meds-- when they come in they are high off of street drugs, dirty, inappropriate attire-- they dress like hookers-- with various untreated S.T.D.s, head lice, scabies, pregnant, malnourished.



As part of your current job duties, do you have to restrain teens?

Yes.

How does that go?  What is the process?

When a teen is for instance attempting to choke a staff member.  The kids being restrained are violent, out of control, a danger to themselves and others.  These teens have severely hurt staff people:  blindness, broken bones, compound fractures, stab wounds, murder, bleach thrown on staff, attempts to set staff on fire, held hostage, had family members go after staff family members.  It is really important that the restraint be carried out successfully.

 Those things have happened to staff members.  So take downs and restraints are something that has to be done for the safety of the out of control teen, their peers, and the staff members.

Once the teen shows signs of de-escalating, then we are able to help them by talking them down and then gradually let them up.

Restraints are not done to punish the kids.  They are done to take control of the kids so that they don't harm themselves or others.  Our kids are capable of hurting themselves and others.  They have done so.  A restraint hopefully prevents injuries to the teens and to the staff.

You've said that there is a de-escalation process?

You can feel in the kid's body that they are not fighting you-- they've stopped fighting you-- and their levels go down.  Once they've started relaxing into the restraint, you give them simple directions.  Like, "I'm going to release you.  You are going to sit up.  I'm going to help you sit up.  You will keep your hands on your knees.  If you don't keep your hands on your knees, you will go back down on the floor."  

I may give them written assignments to do afterwards.  They are put on a program separate from the other teens.  They are given packets to do that addresses their issue.  They are made aware of their other choices through problem solving with the staff that they had the issue with as long as both parties are willing.

If a teen cooperates, does the packets, is willing to talk through their behavior the process will take maybe a couple of hours.  If they are not cooperative, the process can take days--

More than a week?

Yes, more than a week--

More than a month?

Sometimes more than a week but not a month.  They are motivated to cooperate because they want to be back with their peers, doing the regular schedule.

Are they put in a room by themselves during that time?  In isolation?

No.  They are kept in an area with the other kids but they are on their own program.  They  are not allowed to talk with the other kids during day program time.  We want their attention to be on their behavior and what they could have done different.  This is not done to punish them.  It is done to further their rehabilitation.

During this time, are they allowed to receive mail?  Visits?

If they have assaulted someone and get arrested, then it is out of our hands and they go to the county lock-up and have to answer in court.  If they are in the treatment center with us-- not arrested-- they are allowed to receive and send mail.  A worker is present during a supervised visit to discuss what happened.  The teen, their family, and a worker discuss together what happened during the incident leading up to the restraint.

Anything else?

A teen may lose some privileges-- an hour of their television time, no playing cards with the other teens for a set amount of time, no off campus trips until the teen can show us that they are keeping their behavior under better control.  Keeping a teen back from trips is not really a punishment.  It is a safety and security issue.  If your child was out of control, would you take them to the grocery store?  If a kid attacks you with a pencil, would you allow them to have another pencil because they are calm for the moment?



So what is the regular program like?

Education.  The kids have teachers and classrooms.  They can study for G.E.D.s or go to college on-line or in the community.

The classroom teachers are required to be licensed and they are trained by necessity to do restraints.  The teachers instruct the teens in small groups of ten kids.  There are computer classes to learn how to use one, vocational classes, and self-contained classes for the kids with special needs.

Besides education, there are arts and crafts, drugs and alcohol, behavioral groups, life skills group, and individual counseling with a Master's level therapist.  The kids are expected to do chores routinely as a way to learn responsibility and team work.  They can get a paid assistant or kitchen job for exemplary behavior-- and those jobs pay minimum wage.



What is the food like?

The food is quite good.  The kids meet once a month.  They can make complaints or tell what food they've liked.  We had an upgrade in food about five years ago as a result of the meetings with the kids.  The kids have snacks too.

Are they ever forced to eat?

No.  That is not allowed.



What happens when a kid gets sick or says they are sick?

All staff are trained in First Aid.  Choking.  Blood contact.  There are nurses and a physician assistant or a nurse practitioner  present on campus twenty-four hours.  Kids are evaluated by the medical staff and are taken to the emergency room via ambulance if the medical staff say so.  The med staff have to err on the side of caution.  

Some kids do fake sickness and injuries.  But they are sent to e.r. on the basis of observable symptoms and on the symptoms they report, even if they are suspected of faking.  

Kids ever fake or show symptoms of asthma attacks?

Medical staff are called immediately if a kid has an asthma attack.  Medical staff are called immediately even when we know that a kid is faking.  Because the sickness or injury that we ignore can very well turn out to be the real deal.  We have to assume that the injury or illness is real every time.



Is a teen allowed to use the phone if they want to report being mistreated?

Kids are given access to a phone and privacy to call an ombudsman who looks out for their rights.  Anytime they ask for the phone to do that, they are immediately given access to one.

We are required to do that.  Some kids play on that, they make false reports.  But others have turned in reports of staff having sex with the kids or bringing in alcohol for the kids that are accurate.


Every report is looked at as being founded until proven otherwise.  The accused staff gets moved around, away from the kids until the complaint is unsubstantiated.  Staff have complained about this as being unfair, because it is our lives being disrupted by a false report.  Staff are moved into jobs away from the kids during the investigation.

The reports that are substantiated-- staff have been fired, arrested, dealt with in criminal court.



Anything else you want to add?

 Locked facilities like ours are necessary.  By the time a teen gets to us, there are no other options left except for the prison system. They cannot live safely with their families in their communities.  The teens that I work with are not kids who experiment with pot or cut school or talk back to a parent once in awhile.  The teens at our facility are dangerous.  We are not allowed to humiliate or verbally or physically abuse the teens in our care in any way.  Some teens do go on to commit violent crimes after release and go through the adult prison system.  I have seen some teens having success after release.  

Like the girl we ran into last summer at her job.  I remember how happy you both were to see each other.


Yes, you would not have recognized her when she first came in.  That makes my job worth it.

SO YOUR FOLKS DON'T APPROVE OF TEEN WITCHES 1/22/07

So you've read Silver Ravenwolf or some of the other books out there geared towards selling to a teen audience. Maybe you joined an e-group or found a teacher. You are totally thrilled at having found something you can be a part of. It's all great except for one or two things-- your parent/s disapproval.

Forget about hiding it, sneaking around, or lieing.
Any adult who tells you that it is okay to keep secrets from your folks is not acting with integrity.

As a teen, your primary job is your school studies. Education is something to be valued and it will serve you well for the rest of your life.

As an adult, you will have the legal freedom to pursue a religious path of your choosing.

radical sapphoq