Thursday, July 31, 2008

Bugging Over a Frog

sung to the tune of "House of the Rising Sun" sort of:

There is a frog in Bolzano
hangs on a cross does he.
With a beer and an egg in froggie hands,
green death upon a tree.

Now the Pope has come to Brixon fair
in the mountains near South Tyro
where the province people are incensed
saying the poor dead frog must go.

Now Franz is on a hunger strike
though the museum moved the art
now Martin Kippenberger's frog is on the third floor
yet the Catholic reaction is off the chart.

You can call these lyrics ill-mannered and crass.
You can call me a Pope-hating scum.
You can call me a disrespectful atheist
Cuz I find the fuss to be dumb.

*radical sapphoq, all rites reserved*

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo,

(and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican

when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!

What if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never

gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell?" says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.

The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it,

accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember, the Pope is German.)

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the

Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches.

The cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," says the cop.

The Chief exclaims, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," says the cop.

The Chief then asks, "Who do you have there, the mayor?"

The cop says, "Bigger."

The chief asks, "A senator ?"

The cop says, "Bigger."

The chief asks, "The Prime Minister?"

The cop says, "Bigger."

"Blast it man," says the Chief, "Who is it?"

The cop says, "I think it's God!"

The Chief is even more put out by this. "What makes you think it's God?"

The cop says, "His chauffeur is the Pope."

*a joke traveling the internet*

Benjamin Collard is Collared in the Continuing Communion Caper Review

Repercussions from the communion caper of June 29th continue. Now Webster Cook's student-senator friend Benjamin Collard is being collared by the fundie Catholic Campus Ministries for the same thing as his buddy. He is being charged with identical charges in fact: misconduct, disruptive conduct, and giving false identification.

Andrew Cook was impeached by the Student Senate and may be voted out of that office. A separate body, not the Senate, may or may not decide to throw him (and his buddy Benjamin Collard) out of school as in expel.

Meanwhile, sanity prevailed at the University of Minnesota and nothing is going to happen to P.Z. Myers there. P.Z. took a stolen consecrated wafer gotten from anonymous and stabbed it with a rusty nail. He then chucked it in his garbage can along with pages torn out of both a Koran and a Richard Dawkins book, a banana peel, and coffee grinds. Mark Shea got pissed off about that and called P.Z. Myers crazy. To his credit, Mark Shea did acknowledge that not all atheists are like that. Bill Donahue's contribution was to call the wafer wasting a form of discrimination. And then the Confraternity of Catholic Clergy (on July 29) said that P.Z. Myers had done a bad thing, made really bad arguments about how the rest of us aren't allowed to say bad things about other peoples' religions (gasp!), and called for a day of prayer and fasting sans sackcloth. Of course, P.Z. Myers should apologize with sincerity. The last just isn't going to happen. P.Z. Myers responded with a cartoon drawing with the caption, "Your crackers are not safe."

sapphoq says: In the style of LOLcats, P.Z. Myers might have done better to label the cartoon, "All yer crackers are belong to us."
If Jeebus would have just teleported out of the damned plastic baggie and then sent an e-mail assuring all of his followers that he was unharmed, the whole mediac mess could have been avoided.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Crackers over Crackers 7/13/08

"Once we all realize that none of us knows
what the hell any god might want or say,
and most especially not semi-literate, bigoted morons
who can barely speak, once we stop pretending
our books and mythologies are sacred enough to die or kill for,
or that we have the right to change anyone's mind by force or fervor,
then we might awaken to sunshine and laughter.
Until then, everything you know is bogus."

Thus Spake Guru Greenbaum, June 15, 2005

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

“It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ."
saith Catholic League president Bill Donohue over at:

because oh noes, a Catholic student at the University of Central Florida was taking a communion wafer back to his pew in order to show a non-Catholic friend and then got man-handled by a woman who ceased only after the student Senator Webster Cook put the thing in his mouth.
He took the wafer to his dorm room for a week where it resided in a plastic baggie.

Bloggers weighed in pro and con, including the illustrious P.Z. Myers (and the Catholic League is now after his yob for it) who called the host a frackin' cracker and promised to do bad things to any communion wafer sent to him by readers.

In turn some politician in Virginia became concerned for the safety of Catholics slated to attend the Republican convention in Myer's home state of Minnesota and wants extra security to protect them from him. (Gasp!)

The upshot was that student Cook returned the wafer after receiving death threats.

To answer Bill Donahue regarding:
“It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ."

radical sapphoq says:
Yeah Bill, here's one.
Roman Catholic priests who RAPE little boys and girls.
Roman Catholic Dioceses who then move the priests to different parishes in order to COVER THE RAPES UP.
Oh, that's two.

Hey, I was raised a Roman Catholic.
I've never had to endure any man of the cloth groping me or trying to sex me up at a young age.
I did endure at least one nun in school not believing me when I tried to tell her that my mother was drinking alcoholically and violent.
Water over the dam.
I survived my childhood and teen-aged years.
Okay, so Webster Cook was in violation of Roman Catholic protocol by not eating the wafer before returning to his pew. And putting the wafer in a plastic baggie and keeping it for a week in his dorm room was probably distasteful or even lacking a certain amount of tact expected of a student Senator.

Webster Cook was insulted by being manhandled at a Mass.
Bill Donahue and some Roman Catholics somewhere are insulted that he took the wafer away.
I am insulted that priests have gotten away with kiddie rape and molestation.

Here's a memory from the archives:
I was forced by my alcoholic violent vindictive mother to attend a Roman Catholic High School. At that school, I was introduced to drinking, drugging, cheating, heresy, and a tad of groping teen sex. I also had a best friend in high school.
One day, my best friend in high school showed me a cache of communion wafers. She said she knew where they were kept in the school chapel. She invited me on a raid and I went with her. That raid was the first of many that both of us went on together. We always had something to snack on-- those little communion wafers.
Readers, be outraged if you will.
1. The statue of limitations has long since run out on this one.
2. The priests. And uh, (tm) who is thinking of the CHIL---LUMS?

Let the comments begin maybe.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Drinking on the Holidaze

A bunch of folks in a bunch of places got arrested for driving while intoxicated over the holiday weekend. I used to drive around drunk and high years ago before I became abstinent. Based on that and subsequent experience with a stoned driver resulting in my t.b.i. later on, I have to say, "This is uncool, people." We have Mothers Against Drunk Driving; we have D.A.R.E.; we have Alateen; we have billboards with pictures of now dead people on them. None of it is enough.

I know a few people will say things like one can get a drunk driving charge from using mouthwash or the tests were biased or fixed or it was only once and blind dumb luck.
Quite frankly, I am tired of the excuses.
Folks who get drunk during the holidays, whether at barbecues or at bars, should stay put.
As in don't leave. As in take a cab or bus or sleep on the barroom floor or go home with a
friend or whatever.
Some towns have free taxi service for drunken prom kids or rowdy New Year's Eve
Will places have to provide this stuff on other holidays because grown-ups can't police themselves???

Disease be damned.
You drink and drive you should serve some time in jail before being certified for a drug court program (if you are lucky enough to qualify for one).
You drug and drive you should serve some time in jail before being certified for a drug court program (if you are lucky enough to qualify for one).
Sorry folks.

What part of "drunken/drugged up drivers do kill people and cause permanent damage in the lucky survivors" don't you get?

radical sapphoq

306 Arizona:

1704 California:

692 Ohio: