To Matt Barber, To All Teens Everywhere

To Matt Barber,

Quite frankly, I am glad that you are not my father.  My father never would have told me that I am other than who I am.  He respects my autonomy.  He knows that he does not own me.

It is the height of arrogance to assume that you can define your children as "gay" or "not gay" regardless of their sexual attraction.  While it is true that a gay man or a lesbian or a bisexual can decide not to act on physical urges for a sexual relationship with others of the same gender, they do not cross over into heterosexuality by doing so.  They will be who they are-- gay, lesbian, or bisexual-- even if and when they choose celibacy.

Our children will always be our children.  If our children are fortunate, they will grow into adolescence.  Those teens who are lucky will survive into adulthood.  Part of the parenting process involves letting go of our children as we perceive them.  Whether or not we "allow" our kids to be who they are, they are going to be who they are.  Whether or not we "believe" that a few of our kids are not straight, they are going to be who they are.  When my niece came out as a lesbian, I celebrated her willingness to live her life in an honest and truthful manner.  I love my niece exactly as she is today.  Her parents do also.  She is quite lucky that you are not her parent.

Your non-acceptance of non-heterosexuality in teens who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual is your problem.  If you are ever faced with this issue within your family, I hope that you will attend several meetings of P-FLAG.  You will still be a Christian after P-FLAG with your same objections to non-heterosexuality.  Of that I am sure.  The parents in P-FLAG have been where you are.  They learned how to accept non-heterosexuality in their family members.  So can you.  You can accept that your family member is not straight while still maintaining a warm, loving relationship with that family member.

I am not going to even attempt to sway you from your religious stance against homosexuality, lesbianism, or bisexuality.  You have a right to believe as you will.  And yes, you have a right to express your beliefs in the manner that you have expressed them in your open letter to gay [and lesbian and bisexual] teens.  I have a right to express my opinions.  And I have done so, without attacking you as a person.

Your argument that the world's major religions all condemn homosexuality is not satisfactory.  Some of the responses to your blog post indicate that neither the Hindu religion nor the Buddhist sects condemn homosexuality.  Your attempt to throw biology into the mix within the same argument is also not satisfactory.  Strawberries.  Strawberries reproduce in two ways-- sexually and asexually.  Homosexuality does in fact occur in nature.  Ask any farmer who has ever had the misfortune of owning a bull which turned out to be gay.  And even if all of the religions in the universe deny homosexuality a place at the table of salvation in the afterlife, it does not follow that homosexuality should be forbidden to us in this life.  There was a time when the vast majority of people believed that the earth was flat, that the sun revolved around the earth, and that affliction is the result of sin.

Your argument that AIDS is an affliction of gay men is old and tired.  AIDS is a virus, not a sin.  People who have intimate sexual contact with those infected by HIV run the risk of becoming HIV+.  People who share needles with infected people run the risk of becoming HIV+.  People who receive blood transfusions of infected blood products run the risk of becoming HIV+.  Contact has to be made with an infected individual in order to contract the virus.  Heterosexuals do become infected by AIDS.  AIDS is not a disease that is limited to gay men.  We would do better to teach our teens to use protection-- rubbers for the men and dental dams for the women-- when having sex than to tell them that AIDS is a disease of the gay community.  We should also be teaching teens not to share needles.  Addicts who use injectables should have their own set of works if they are not willing or able to decide to quit.  The risk of infection is not limited to needles while using street drugs.  We should also be teaching our teens to insist that any tattoo artists use fresh needles and unopened bottles of ink when getting any future tattoos.  

You did not address transgenderism or inter-sexed states in your open letter to gay teens.  I will do so here even though you did not. A compassionate society would ensure that transgendered folk who wish to transition to their preferred gender could do so.  A compassionate society would also ensure that the medical needs of people born inter-sexed-- that is having characteristics of both sexes-- are provided for.  Those who are born with Androgen Insufficiency Syndrome are male by chromosome studies but are usually raised as female.  This is because AIS individuals do not respond to androgen.  Period.  An AIS female will need surgeries in order to correct genitalia  to an average appearance, estrogen in order to mature sexually, and competent medical services throughout her life.  While it is true that a transgendered person can choose to suppress thoughts and behaviors related to transgenderism-- it's called purging within the community-- this suppression is usually not a long-term "solution."

Again, Matt Barber, it is not okay for any of us to define who someone is.  Identity is personal.  Everyone has to do that for themselves.  You do not own your children.  Please allow your teens the dignity of self-definition.  It is a great tragedy to risk estrangement with your own children as they mature into adults because you could not or would not accept that gay teens, lesbian teens, and bisexual teens do exist regardless of your feelings about the issue.

Thank-you,
radical sapphoq 

 

To all teens everywhere, 

Not all adults and not all Christian adults believe as Matt Barber does.  Hopefully, your parents and families will accept you for who you are.  If they do not, it is their problem. However you choose to walk in the world-- whether straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans-folk, intersexed, queer, or questioning-- you deserve not to live a lie.  Whether you choose to be sexually active in whatever degree that makes sense to you or celibate, you deserve to be who you are always.  Whether or not society or your family celebrates who you are, there are people who will.  You are the future.  You will be here after the rest of us are dead.  You deserve the right to define yourselves.  Not even Matt Barber can take that from you. 

Respectfully yours,
radical sapphoq 

 








http://www.wnd.com/2013/02/an-open-letter-to-gay-teens/