Hurting Within the Rooms of Recovery

The video can be viewed here at: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-13th-step
or at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-_xPU3KC5E
if the vid is not showing up here.

The video is titled "The 13th Step" and a woman named Monica Richardson made it.  She and some women in California are on a mission to make the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous safer.  Or at least to spread awareness of several issues surrounding the rooms.

Those issues are people and the people in particular are predators.  Predators operate by looking for a vulnerability in their mark or vic, and then using manipulation to ease their way in.  So yes, women [and I suspect a few men but the men aren't talking yet] do get raped by predators that they have met in the twelve step rooms of recovery.  [I have direct knowledge of one such woman who was raped by someone she met at a meeting].  Yes, people do get robbed, beaten, taken advantage of financially, and murdered by others who they got acquainted with in the rooms.  People in the rooms commit armed house robberies.  These things happen.  I know they happen because I've known people [as in "more than one person"] that these things have happened to.  No murder vics in my direct knowledge but the other stuff yes.

Monica approached the A.A. General Services Office in New York City when she began receiving copious e-mails from women who were raped by other members of A.A.  But the A.A. Trad "A.A. has no opinion on outside issues..." was presented to her as an excuse for not doing anything about it.  So Monica said screw this shit and left A.A.  She currently has thirty years or so of continuous sobriety.

The trouble with citing a tradition as a "reason" for non-action is that this issue is not an "outside" issue.  It is very much an inside issue-- one that very few people have dared to brooch.  In typical A.A. fashion, a sponsor who does not know any better will ask the sponsee, "What part did you play in this?"  This question really misses the mark.

To those who have been fortunate enough to survive sexual assaults, beatings, and other such things which were perpetrated by people that they've met in recovery meetings, I can say this:  You did not deserve it.  You did nothing to make this happen to you.  You are blameless.  And, I believe you.  If you find that you cannot return to 12-step meetings but you wish to get support for your continued abstinence, I encourage you to check out alternative programs such as the ones listed in the links here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-_xPU3KC5E under the first section labeled "Non-cult Pro-Recovery."

                                radical sapphoq

Dear People Who Have Been Raped

It is not your fault.  When society tells you that the rape was "her" fault, society lies.  When polite company whisper about short skirts or being wasted or walking around after dark, they lie.  When a defense attorney gets in your face about your rep, when a politician refers to you as a slut, when your rapist is defended by your neighbors-- lies, lies, lies.  When you are ready, you will join thousands of women and a few men in proclaiming, "This rape is not a thing of fault.  It is not about sex or flirting or being loose.  You lied to me.  I won't tolerate it anymore."

We live in a rape culture.  Rape culture says it was our fault.  Rape culture says we brought this upon ourselves, we should have known better, we were bad kids, rebellious women, wimpy men, we were irresistible, manipulative, we lied.  Rape culture says our rapists could not help it, we were too available, we led them on, this thing didn't happen, impossible, we wanted it.  Rape culture says women [and a few men] are property to be protected or abused and subject to the whims of our protectors.  Rape culture says we are not worthy, that feeling sexy is wrong, look where that got us, that rape is molestation, that rape is sex without permission, that rape is the privilege of the conquerors.  Rape culture demands that we teach our daughters to defend themselves so we sign them up for self-defense classes, to not put themselves in danger, to be demure.  To behave.  Rape culture demands that our sons be manly men.  Rape is an act of violence.  This rape culture that we live in is composed of many acts of violence.

Our rapists have depended upon our shame and our fear.  We give in.  Sometimes we are not judged to be legally able to make our own decisions since we have not reached "the age of majority."  Sometimes we are advised not to press charges.  Sometimes we are too wounded and involved in survival and we just cannot do it.  Sometimes we die.

The first time after I was raped, I was advised not to press charges.  The second time after I was raped, I watched as my rapist's defenders gathered around him in a tight circle.  They were determined to protect his reputation at any cost.  I was expendable. Both men-- years and miles apart-- claimed that they were not in control of their actions.  "I had to," said the first one.  "I couldn't help myself," said the second one.  The third time that I was raped, I kneed him in the groin and kicked him in the balls with my steel toed boots.  On that particular night, anger was my truest friend.

Anger is messy.  Rage is frightening.  In a rape culture, we are not supposed to be angry.  We are not supposed to feel rage.  We are supposed to forgive the people who have hurt us.  Because that is what our holy men tell us to do.  We are supposed to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and carry on business as usual.  We are told that it takes two to create a problem, that we played a part in this, that we have to look at ourselves and own up to our share of the responsibility.  We will be washed away pure as the driven snow.  Or, we are the damaged goods bringing shame to our families.  We are taught to negate ourselves.  We are taught to behave.

Now is the time to gather together, those of us who are able, and begin the process of dismantling the rape culture.  Some of us will carry signs, risk arrests, hold vigils, take our messages to the streets.   Some of us will name what happened to us for the first time in our lives.  Some of us will write, using the web to let people know what happened and to demand justice.  Some of us will do other things.
Each of us can do something.

To my sisters in India, to my sisters in Steubenville, to my brothers and sisters in behavioral facilities that live in fear of being raped and beaten by staffers or by other kids, to the little ones who are raped by the very people who are supposed to be protectors, I dedicate this blog post.  To my male friend who told me that he was raped by an older woman when he was a teen, I dedicate this blog post.  To those who have died, I dedicate this blog post.  Do not give up.  We need you.  Together we will heal and live.

radical sapphoq

Now that the 2012 Presidential Election is Over

I have a few things to say:

1).  I'm glad that Richard Mourdock of Indiana-- God intended pregnancy that results from rape-- lost his race to maintain his
seat in the Senate.  And I'm glad that Todd Akin of Missouri-- there is legitimate rape, and womens' vaginas naturally prevent pregnancy in that situation-- lost his race to grab a  seat in the Senate.  Making a reference to an opposing candidate as being similar to a dog didn't
do much to endear him to the voters either.
     Sorry folks, I want the Republican Party to get out of my 
vagina.

[Go here for a nifty little rape chart created by Bruce Wilson:
http://www.alternet.org/election-2012/republican-rape-advisory-chart ].



2).  According to the Election Results over at Huffington Post,
Obama won the the popular vote by less than 3000.
[ http://elections.huffingtonpost.com/2012/results ]  That's not
a whole lot of margin considering that more than 115,000,000 people voted.  The numbers say a bit less than "Good job, now keep going."




3).  Romney's idea that illegal immigrants should self-deport is
actually not new as of this past Monday night.  He and Newt
have been having disagreements about it since before January 26, 2012.  
[ http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/01/self-deportation-fantasy-or-reality/ ]

As I read bits and pieces more about self-deportation, I learned what the intended meaning of the phrase is.  Self-deportation is not the idea that an illegal immigrant will just up and decide to volunteer to go back to Mexico or other country of origin just because Romney thinks they should.  Actually, some people have been "self-deporting" because they are unable to find work.
[ https://www.numbersusa.com/content/news/july-13-2009/illegal-aliens-find-little-resistance-when-self-deporting.html 
The link seemed to be to be a bit dodgy and I actually had to go back to my search engine, type in "self deportation" and click the numbersusa site to get back to the article.  You may have to do the same].

Romney's idea includes a required e-card in order for an immigrant to work here.  Folks without the proper verification will then stream out of the country, paying their own way home because they won't
be able to find anyone to hire them.
[ http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57364444-503544/romney-on-immigration-im-for-self-deportation/ ]

Quite frankly, now that I understand what self-deportation is, I think it is a better idea-- but more than that needs doing-- than Obama's idea about dropping the cases of those illegal immigrants who are not criminals-- other than the criminal act involved in sneaking across our borders.
[ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/20/more-than-1600-deportatio_n_1218906.html ]

There is an e-mail going around the net claiming that Obama did sign the DREAM act-- hasn't happened (yet?)-- and it only lists some of the requirements that an illegal immigrant would have to meet.
[ http://factcheck.org/2011/07/did-obama-enact-dream-act/ ]



Newt is right about this one folks.  
[ http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-self-deportation-fantasy/2012/01/25/gIQAmDbWYQ_story.html ]
Self deportation is not enough.
We clearly need more stringent enforcement of the laws that we already have on the books.  Any e-card would have to be difficult and expensive for a forger to reproduce.  [All kinds of fake i.d. can be bought on street corners and on the Internet.  Knockoffs of the e-card would be just one more item for the black market].
We already have laws on the books concerning hiring illegal immigrants.  Those laws would need to be enforced on a more regular basis.  And  Rick Perry's opposition to fencing off all of the border between Texas and Mexico
[ http://www.theblaze.com/stories/perry-repeats-opposition-to-us-mexico-border-fence/# ]

has some basis in the reality of the difficulties in constructing a very long fence.  So while I am not sure if totally fencing off Texas-- and I will add Arizona and a bit of California here-- is feasible, I continue to think that something more must be done about the folks slipping into the United States illegally through Mexico and anywheres else.

I know that some folks are accusing me of being a big meanie over my stance on this one.  Too bad.  I don't much care. 
I also have a pretty good idea of why the United States government is not all that interested in seriously cracking down on the illegal immigrants flowing across our borders.  Part of it is that folks running for public office don't want to be accused by Latino voters of being big meanies.  And I suspect some of the rest of it is that the Mexican government would be more than a little bit pissed off if we were to seriously crack down on the illegal immigration issue.
Most folks think that the Mexican economy is based heavily on tourism.  I think the Mexican economy is based heavily on the money that the illegal immigrants here in the United States send home and on profits made by the drug trade.

[ http://www.theblaze.com/stories/perry-repeats-opposition-to-us-mexico-border-fence/#
and
 http://globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com/2012/10/30/why-is-mexico-drug-war-being-ignored/

and

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/07/06/world/americas/immigration.html
and
 http://journalism.berkeley.edu/ngno/reports/newworld/remittances.html

and
 http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Give-and-take-across-the-border-1-in-7-Mexican-2496634.php ]

4).  I never really understood the need for this whole electoral college thing and I still don't.  I think we should dump it and let the President be elected on the basis of the popular vote only.  

4).  In my opinion, the Republican Party needs to come up with stronger candidates for the presidency in 2016.  Someone with the leadership ability of a John McCain.  New Jersey's current governor Chris Christie would make a great Vice Presidential candidate.

     I am an atheist and a bisexual woman who favors abortion in all cases of incest and rape.  I am against pharmacists being able to refuse to distribute the morning after pill on the basis of their religious beliefs.  I am not keen on the idea that institutions should be able to dictate whether or not women employees can receive birth control pills through standard means via their medical insurance.  I am not interested in how a candidate practices his or her religion or what religion it is.  I am interested in whether a candidate can run the country.  I can't be a Republican, in spite of the fact that I believe in small government and I am somewhat of a hawk when it comes to wars.  The Republican Party needs another Ronald Reagan.


     Oh I am not going to leave the Democratic Party out of this one.  I sincerely hope that neither Hillary Clinton nor Andrew Cuomo are on the Presidential ticket for 2016.  I've never cared for Hillary. I didn't like her when she was the First Lady.  I liked her much less when she moved to one of my stomping grounds.  I think she is doing well enough in her current position as Secretary of State.  I hope she stays there or does something else.  I didn't like Mario-- some radical friends from Queer Nation and I used to call him Cuomo the homo-- and I haven't seen Andrew as having much leadership.  Obama didn't win this time because of his popularity. The numbers illustrate that.  The Dems need to come up with a more viable ticket for 2016 also.


     To me, this election felt like some percentage of folks didn't care for either party's presidential ticket.  This led to voting for the ticket that we hated least.  Or for write-ins.  Stuff has to change.

    What happened to our leaders?


radical sapphoq

     

My Akin Vagina

I must live in a cave.  I was tuned in when a college student was called a slut.  I remember the idea that institutions have feelings and that somehow that makes it a-okay for Roman Catholic institutions to refuse to offer birth control coverage for their employees cuz that offends institutional sensibilities.  But on August 18th, I discovered the wonders of Google Sketch-Up(r, no copyright infringement intended) and I am just now resurfacing for air.  So I missed the whole Todd Akin fiasco regarding legitimate rape and repelling vaginas.  And I missed Tom Smith of Pennsylvania saying that carrying a pregnancy that resulted from rape to term is equivalent to having a child out of wedlock.  Uh, excuse me please.  WHAT ???  Oh lawdy lawdy, my Akin vagina.

A good friend of mine, a college student-- a devout Roman Catholic college student-- was raped one night while walking back to the dorms after her job.  The rape, the legitimate rape, was definitely forcible.  I guess her Akin vagina failed to do the job it [or should I refer to her vagina as "she?"  I don't rightly know] was Divinely Created to do.  Because she did indeed turn up pregnant after the rape.  As a devout Roman Catholic, the proper thing according to a bunch of men in dresses would have been for her to stay pregnant.   

Alas, there was a twist.  My friend had cancer.  [She is dead now].  Her specialist informed her that if she continued her pregnancy, she would die.  Sooner, rather than later.  And the baby inside of her Akin vagina pretty much didn't have a chance anyway.  Because abortion was not available as a legal option, her specialist did a very compassionate and humane thing.  He arranged for her to have a safe abortion via the "exploratory surgery" route.  Sorry folks, I don't feel bad about her medical insurance company having to pay for that one.  [This was much longer than eight years ago, b.t.w.].

My friend did not want to have the abortion.  Her specialist understood the true value of life.  He understood the value of a baby's life and also the value of the mother's life. 

I too was raped.  I was raped several years before my friend got raped.  But my Akin vagina did her job.  She repelled the rapist's sperm and I walked away unscathed.  Uh, well, not exactly unscathed.  That was an unfortunate choice of words.  I walked away unexpectant.  At least I think I did.  I have been told once by one person that a woman can have a spontaneous abortion and not even know she was pregnant.  One person believed that, so it must be true.  This spontaneous or "natural" abortion thing will happen in cases where the baby is totally deformed.  Not all cases obviously.  Just in some percentage of cases.  A quandary of the highest order.  Does God allow spontaneous or natural abortions in the case of rape?  Maybe so.  Or maybe not.  Oh my.  I don't know what to think.  Neither does my Akin vagina.  I'm so glad that those men in dresses and a bunch of politicians can do my thinking for me.

Men can get raped too.  Not just forcible rape in prison by other men either.  Men can and do get raped by women.  I know it happens.  Well, specifically I know it happens at least once.  Because it happened to a male acquaintance of mine.  But men cannot get pregnant.  And men aren't commonly ordered by divine writ to be subservient to women.  Maybe a few men are subs-- oh never mind, that is quite the subject for a different day.  Maybe even a different blog. 

I'm suddenly thirsty.  I shut down the computer and go stumbling off in search of some of that totally kewl powdered sugar in packets to stir into a glass of water.

radical sapphoq

P.S.  And then to discover that Todd Akin was put in charge of some kind of science and tech committee!  That just makes me want to join those poor folks who migrated to Guyana with their good buddy Jim.